What could have been

So i have this friend that i used to like. It seems like ages ago in fact, that i first laid eyes on her and declared her mine. But as with many endeavors of the heart, this was destined to sit in the annals of unrequited love as the single most futile attempt i ever made. fast forward a few years. She's deeply involved, im deeply involved, and yet, im still in love. We remained friends and althought i thought i could do it, i can't. I'm never going to be with her but i can't help but feel the the way i do. I don't think it'll ever completely go away. I wish it would. I want to open up my veins and bleed it out of my heart. But i know it won't make a difference. I don't make a difference. I know i have friends and family who love me and care about me, but i think maybe its time i say goodbye. Not because i want to; giving them up is the hardest thing im ever going to do.

This life i live is killing me.

I wish i could tell her. how do i tell her. How do i open my mouth and let loose the words that threaten to ruin the very fabric of my friendship, one that i value so dearly?

I'd like to say that i would be better for her, but truth is, i don't know for certain. I know i would be commited to her happiness with an unmitigating determination that would cower the devil himself, but that alone wouldn't be enough. It never is. If you're out there and reading this, know that i love you. Always will.